You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
