My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
