saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
