in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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