my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
