did you get engaged???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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