I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
