Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
