Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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