that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she told me i tasted like america
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
