You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
