So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
