i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize