I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
