I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
