Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
