woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
