After last night, I could never be a politician.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
