It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
