I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How does one acquire holy water?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
