I'm so fucking centered right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
