haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He passed out mid-signature
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
