idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
