Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize