ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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