I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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