either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Quick, to the slutcave!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
