I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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