what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He has the fingertips of a God
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