I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
