Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
