maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one