sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.