What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?