gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
