Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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