and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
