just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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