Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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