I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
