Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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