yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
