How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
