names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
