She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
