he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
two words...techno handjob
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
