You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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