you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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