At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
