that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
