Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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