You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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