sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
