thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
