Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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