I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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