Having a random hookup so left but love u
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
