we have officially lost it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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