dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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