you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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