I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
