I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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